living room

definitely gonna try one of  these looks in my place (someday)....

What`s wrong with it?

I was texting my partner whining about my job and told him that i wanted a job with insanely high pay and flexible hours. His reply was more like "are you talking about prostitution?" :-) Anyway come to think of it....what`s wrong with it? you can get a few high end customers and ....................................okay...back to my normal work.
ps. i do have this insane obsession with fancy lingerie 'sigh'

How you make me feel

Crying uncontrollably on the way to work, trying to figure out what's making me so upset. I don`t get angry at myself for letting go of my emotions like this anymore or label myself as 'weak'. I'm going to avoid all of you who make me cry/make me uncomfortable/stressed from now on. I don`t know how long i'm gonna live  and i really do know that i should be happy everyday, not cry all the time and wonder why. I need to have proper sleep, not worry about whats gonna happen and just live.... today..... now......., thats all i wanna think about. I'm not going to feel guilty about avoiding those who make me feel less and spend more time on my own, cz that's when i'm most comfortable and feel relaxed.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kCBa4WzxRoY

Love this song!....

Back at one

Things were going so well for a while, I was surrounded with everyone else's drama and I was giving advice helping any way I can and I was in a state of 'happy'. Well i guess everyone else's drama finally got to me  and I honestly don`t know who to turn to. I don`t wanna whine about my mother to my better half all the time, he has enough things to worry about on his own. Honestly I don`t even know why she still manage to bring me to tears while i'm at work when she calls me and say something mean. I keep telling myself that it's not about me, it's all about her unfulfilled childhood/life that's making her hate her own daughter but it doesn`t mean i'm not human. Just like any other bully she's just a mean insecure person but just because she clothed and fed me doesn`t mean i should keep up with her shit now does it. I put up a protective wall and i was secure and thought i dont give a shit but turns out i ended crying in the middle of the office after hearing less that 10 sentences from her over the phone...when did i get so weak? On top of all that my friend who is going through a 'crisis' in her marriage wanted to meet me for lunch. I had enough drama at work so i honestly didn`t wanna go. Maybe on some subconscious level I didn`t want to go because listening to her story and her questions and her perspective made me question my own relationship cz the very things she fights about is what i choose to ignore.So i tried to avoid her a lil bit but i do listen to her daily and say whatever i can to help her feel better. Anyway she ended up accusing me of being selfish and not having time for friends anymore....sigh....
Even at work my boss has started acting like a 'bully', one min he's extremely kind next min he's manipulative and cunning and .......why do i keep attracting these kinds of ppl into my life.

Life is too short to surround myself with ppl that makes me unhappy and depressed. The question is how do i get away from these ppl? well i just read this quote and i've heard it a million times but i just have to act on it..soon! not soon..NOW! Starting with a super mental barrier :)