Thursday, October 31, 2013

Am i finally doing it right?

No expectations...
just having faith ....
loving with all my heart....
setting him free to do what he likes to do in his life/follow his passion
and
be with me because he loves me...not because he has to

Wednesday, October 23, 2013

job hunt again?

yes..as much as i hoped this would be the job that i like and would settle for life, i honestly don't have the heart to do this anymore. i have a boss who is not concerned about the company but his  own agendas. he's actually not letting me work! he himself mentioned (jokingly) that he has this sadistic desire to torture people and thats what he likes to do at work. i think i don't wanna stick around to see where this is going.
its just that i feel like my brain is shrinking everytime i go to work!
i'm officially looking for another more fulfilling job!(i feel excited in a strange way)

Monday, October 7, 2013

My own voice

I've been thinking (as usual..actually when do i not think?) about how I react to certain situations and i realized its not bcz of my own opinion or view that i make it a huge problem,BUT bcz of 'what it should be' according to others.It's quite hard to explain what goes through my head but let me try to explain,

Situation 1: When my partner goes out for drinking
my mind immediately starts to worry. The voices that talk during these times are
1. his mom- "you should know how to ..bla bla"
2. his sis -" i think he prefers drinks than anything else"
3. my mom -"your brother doesn`t drink, and your partner drinks? (condescending tone)
4. his mom and sis - "he spends a lot on drinks"
5. mine -"omg he's out drinking again, he will spend everything on drinks and not care about anything and will    forget about me and go drinking even when we get married and his parents and my mom will blame me!!!!"
WTF!!! im totally cool with drinking, if he wants to go out and drink im fine with it, so why can`t THAT be the voices that talk to me everytime i hear that he's out?

Situation 2: His ex posts a b'day wish on fb, he's in touch with his exes
Voices that talk to me when I see these
1. My mom -" he will go back to one of those and you will be all alone (condescending tone), didn`t all the horoscopes say that?? i TOLD YOU SO!!!
2.My friend S - "Marriage sucks, men suck! and they should never be friends with exes"
3.My frnd P - "I don`t even wanna be near my husband"
4.My friend V -"Men change they always do, women end up suffering"
5.Mine -"i'm never gonna get married ever, what if he's talking to them constantly and i'm the only idiot who shares my life with him and he shares his with other women?"
when my actual voice says "don`t give a shit, he loves you"

I can just go on and on, but to be honest life will be much more easier if i delete everyone elses voices from my head. 'sigh'
I'm trusting my inner voice and going ahead with this. I'm practicing taking one day at a time.






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