2nd interview for this year

guess it went well than the first interview couple of months ago.only the boss interviewed me, gave me immediate feedback, he even put marks infront of me saying how many marks he was giving me and why:-) The job doesn`t really involve lab work but i need to start from somewhere. He also asked me wether i have a facebook account and wether i upload pics all the time and that if i have lots of boyfriends he would hire me immediately:-) was asked to come for the 2nd interview tomorrow, hope that goes well.

while i was sitting there i was chatting with the others who came for the job, they were science graduates/PGs all looking for jobs. complained of the same thing ...less pay, no research grants, very less job opportunities. All my other friends changed their paths and started doing management or IT and landed jobs. I have friends who are working as scientists who`s basic salary is extremely low, they are exposed to a lot of chemicals, and holds a great deal of responsibility...i just think there`s something wrong with that whole picture. Everywhere i go ppl go like....`oh u did science, that means you`re screwed`....i always respond with a smile and say i just studied what i loved.

feels like.........

i have no words to say, my mom said something out loud.....yes, she said she doesn`t love me (almost hates me) because i never fulfilled her dream for me which was to become a doctor, marry a doctor and have kids by now(and yes she`s that narrow minded). And yes, she gave all her possessions to my brother bcz he`s the only child that listened and obeyed her every wish. And no i don`t care about what i get or don`t get, guess i can`t ask for love....

oh well....can`t wait to find a job and move out...:

The Edge

Do you know what its like? when ppl say they have your back and encourages you to jump, saying they won`t let you fall...you turn around and nobody`s really there.....

well, i`ve found myself in many situations like this, each time i learn something new about myself, grow as a person and realize again that in life and in many situations i can count on....me , myself and I.

New Year Rush

This has been the most tiresome new year so far.  I do like spending time picking out gifts and shopping of course, but i don`t think i wanna go shopping for the next 6 months or so.Plus i would`ve enjoyed buying gifts if i`m allowed to go alone, i do think its a lil insane that a girl/woman past 25yrs is still under strict parental supervision.
anyway week started with an almsgiving my mom had planned. Mom`s and my new sis-in-law`s(s-i-l) B`days was that week too,and s-i-l`s aunt passed away so the day before new year was spent at the funeral.
I`m not being judgmental but i actually expected s-i-l to go to her aunts and be there for the family cz she always tells me that they were raised by their aunts and uncles. She didn`t seem to wanna go there much and went with us just for the funeral. Maybe its her way of dealing with it. why do i care about all of this? cz my mom said that s-i-l knows how to live with ppl and make a lot of friends. That is indeed true, she hugs my mom everytime she comes over, and compliments the food or what she wears etc. she never says anything looks bad or tastes bad. I on the other hand have the `bad` habit of speaking the truth. If i can`t eat something(that tastes bad) i don`t pretend to like it, i just say i can`t eat it. Now i`ve learned that many ppl would rather hear white lies so, i`ve learned to stay quiet most of the time.


Dropped by a friend`s place with my parents, they were just so happy to see us. I`ve known her since grade 6, her place is probably the only house that i`ve felt `homely`, eventhough i`ve only been there a couple of times over the years.

Months keep passing by and i`m still at the same place and time.......

unsettled

I used to have this habit of watching movies thats only with good actors, good special effects or good music. Recently none of these movies lived upto my expectations; i always end up hitting fast forward. Thats when i started turning to low budget movies and British tv series. I have to admit most of this low budget movies took me by surprise towards the end, like triangle, dead awake and afterlife. The British mini series 32 Brinkburn street was better than i expected, its been a while since i`ve actually enjoyed watching anything. Its always the same old story with movies these days.Lost interest in Glee, still like merlin though; keeps me watching till the end. And the songs these days, not a lot of songs stick around in my mind. There`s only one song that i`ve never gotten tired of listening to(wherever you will go-The Calling), been listening to it for more than a decade now :-) I don`t know whether its the voice or the tune or lyrics , my mind just goes back in time when everything was simple and i was just happy.

I`m starting to see different sides of ppl, a friend of mine stopped talking to me-i honestly have no idea as to why.
I`m talking about nonsense when i`m supposed to be making a poster. The only reason i sent an application cz my friend insisted, i can`t even remember what i did for my project more than a year ago. Its as if my brain has stopped working.
I`ve gotten closer to someone when i know for a fact that i can`t expect anything in return.
why didn`t i stop my ice cold heart from melting?
This post is all over the place...thats how unsettled my mind is..

April

unbearable heat
unemployment
poster presentation
need a fish tank
words that keep hurting me
things i just don`t understand

My brain is just too tired to spell it all out properly. Feel so alone right now.

WTF!!!

 my brother came over today after dropping off my sis-in-law for classes. He was on my pc watching trailers,i just let him do whatever he wants thinking that he doesn`t get much time on his own ,now that he`s married- he spends half the time driving his wife here and there and ofcourse she makes him cook too:-)..
Anyway when i came back notepad was open and to my shock and anger there it was, facebook msgs (as if i use it often), my fb msgs between me and my friends. i mean WTF@!!#$%.!!!...he could`ve just read it and closed it..but no..he had to copy and paste it in notepad so he can go through each and every msg carefully????? ..i hate it when ppl go thru my stuff, let alone my fb msgs??? #$%#$%......note to self, i`m not gonna help him pick a present for his wife....i donno WTF is up with this family.they never listen when i talk and prefer to listen to my phone conversations, and check my fb msgs...i mean really WTF???