The crazy 8

That's how the extreme mood swings were described by Tony Robbins; the crazy 8. Yes,I've been listening to a lot of those lately. Mostly because of my crazy mood swings and my extreme resistance towards change.
Talking about change, that's what marriage is all about. Change in routine, new family members to hang out with, more duties to do......I certainly do not want to lose myself in of all of these changes, that's what i'm scared of most; Losing my identity. To be honest not even sure what I want to do anymore..

All this time I thought I wanted to climb up  the corporate ladder and be this 'big shot', but the strangest thing happened the other day. I had to walk past these 'big shots' in the company(they had come for a meeting), as I walked pass them I just couldn`t picture myself being one of them. All this time when I see powerful women I just tell myself that's where I wanna be. But now that I'm 30 I just don`t feel like working towards that goal.
Anyway my new goal is retiring at 35:) I realized that I need some new goals to keep me alive and not go into weird depressed moods.
Found this site http://www.gratitudelog.com/ which seems to be helping me out quite a lot. Being grateful daily does seem to keep my demons away.

Not Quite sure how I feel

Just feel like I have lived long enough......don`t have anything to look forward to..........

You know you have a problem when.........

you close your eyes and you see candy..........
yup, i started just when everyone else was getting sick of it, i guess the whole candy crush game thing keeps me distracted :)

Note to Self

I've been going through all of my past blog posts and it kinda reminded me of all of the promises I have broken, promises I made to myself and others. I've learned not to be too hard on myself, things happen, circumstances change and people change. I just have to move on and make sure that I achieve my inner peace with all the choices that I make. So this post is about another promise that i've made to myself a long time ago. I told myself that I'll never get married and here I am about to start my 'prison sentence'. I have to admit that I'll never be ready for it. I don`t know whether this is gonna be my biggest mistake or the best decision i'm ever gonna make. One thing I've learned is to let go of expectations and accept the fact that the only thing certain in life is change.
When I first saw the grey's anatomy episode of Christina and Burke's almost wedding a long time ago I completely understood the way Christina felt, I cried watching it.

Anyway here's to letting go of another promise I made to myself; deciding to get married.

taking a break

Took a couple of days off work, partly because I was sick but mostly because I just can`t seem to stay there anymore. I really am grateful for the job cz i get paid, but I feel like this job is starting to kill me. I'm complaining to everyone and have started to suck the life out of everyone too. So I thought I need to just stop and think carefully before complaining next time, noone really wants to hear all of your troubles now do they?

They have their own troubles to deal with and instead of sending out a positive message I seem to be draining the life out of them...sigh.......Going to try getting into my own business soon. Being a scientist doesn`t seem to be giving me any kind of satisfaction anymore.

Enough about work..lets not talk about the impending nuptials (not bcz i'm not okay with it, but it's still the scariest thing for me)....anyway.... i'm trying to meditate again and focusing on inner peace and letting go is finally bringing me some kind of peace :)

Best relationship advice I ever heard!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3XjUFYxSxDk&feature=kp

Quotes

We come across all kinds of quotes all the time, has it ever had any kind of an impact on your life?
I personally consider experiences of those who already lived their lives as somewhat valuable. Some  quotes like "In 25 years you will regret the things you didn`t do than the things you did" and "one of the greatest things in life is knowing the art of letting go" made me make some significant changes in my life for the better.
Came across one more quote that made a lot of sense today.