music- giving voice to my thoughts...

It seems the more we talk
The less I have to say
Let’s put our differences aside
I wanted to make you proud

But I just got in your way
I found a place that I *CAN* hide
Now everything is changing
But I still feel the same

We’re running out of time
What do I have to do
To try to make you see
That this is who I am
And its all that I can be

I tried to find myself
Looking inside your eyes
You were all that I was meant to be
There must be something else

Behind all the lies
That you have lead me to believe
Now everyone is saying
That I should find a way
To leave it all behind

What do I have to do
To try to make you see
That this is who I am
And its all that I can be

What do I have to do
To try to make you see
Trying to be like you
isn’t good enough for me

I wont let you go
I wont let you down
I wont give you up

don’t you give up on me now
What do I have to do
To try to make you see
That this is who I am
And its all that I can be

What do I have to do
To try to make you see
Trying to be like you
isn’t good enough for me
What do I have to do
To try to make you see
Trying to be like you
isn't good enough for me

Good Enough-Lifehouse

Long Dark Road - part 2

Three years later…

Department of Interparallel security unit

Ms.Anderson?

Elaine looked up, at her assistant, Mitchel. Yes?

Mr. Sanders is here to see you.

Send him in.

Elaine already knew why he was here. She wondered how to get out of this one, he`s going to know the truth anyway. Maybe he can help you, no one can help you missy, just go with it.

Hey Marty, shouldn`t you be somewhere celebrating?

He sat down with a half smile.

I`m not sure whether I should be celebrating, he paused, looking right at her with his puppydog eyes, as if trying to read her mind.

For three years you`ve made sure that I screw up everything that I do, but now? why? what`s in it for you?

Elaine took a deep breath,

You have everything you ever wanted Marty, your own department, enough and more funding to fight your cause or whatever you call it, just..

Marty interrupted, why now? You don`t even believe that Murdok is planning an awakening, or even that they`ve joined hands to attack the city, he looked straight into her eyes again, do you even believe in spirits?

Elaine sat back on her chair, trying to break away from his gaze, she always thought of him as one of the sexiest men in the entire division. More than that she was amazed at his commitment, his ability to uncover everything, believing in things that others would only laugh about, fighting back to save the intelligence community; that’s how she found out about him, if only he knew…

I know more about the Murdoks and the dark forces more than you ever know.

Marty got up, It was you? You were my reliable source?

Elaine didn`t say anything, you can try and stop them Marty, you have the people, you have  a brilliant team.

Who are you really? I think you are more than just some relative of the Touloku family.

You are way too paranoid, im gonna head home, loosen up a little, go celebrate.

Marty nodded, smiling a grateful smile, thinking to himself, i`m gonna findout who you really are, watching her walking out of the office, somehow he knew that she was one of the good guys, thanx Elaine, he told himself.

Marty was chatting with Mitchel, when a loud explosion rattled the building.

Elaine was the first thing that came into his mind when he ran towards the parking lot.

To be continued….

End of the year and realizations..

Fortunately or unfortunately this year is the only year that i didn`t spend time studying, hoped to start working-well that didn`t happen either. Didn`t know whether i`ll get through the year without going insane- did get through it somehow.

I have to admit, getting through the year has a lot to do with a certain someone that i met. He doesn`t know that of course, but talkin to him has certainly been  sort of an escape.He`s one of those guys that are known as `bad boys` but there was something about him . I didn`t know how close i was getting to him ,until when he was talking about his gal pals,a hint of jealousy went through my spine. I can`t remember the last time i felt jealous, because of a guy but, i really do like him. I can totally be myself around him.I don`t believe in `happily ever after` but deep down i want that someone whom i can be myself with.

I hope next year i can go forward, start working, be more independent, and most of all to have the inner peace of mind when i go to bed everyday ...

Merry x`mas and happy new year everyone!

Dinner Diary

Whenever i`m in charge of dinner, i go to the kitchen without knowing what to cook and just mix things up along the way. Today i came across pasta and chicken:-) . tried to imitate KFC fried chicken, but that didn`t really work well. I heard that olive oil prevents butter from burning too much, tried it and actually worked. Today`s dinner- pasta with fried chicken and curry.
                                        

Long Dark Road- part 1

She was walking along the busy market wondering whether she made the right choice. Its too late to go back anyway and you don`t really have a choice either, she told herself. And kept walking, not paying attention to the locals who were bargaining , hoping to get the best deal, she smiled to herself, her mind went back to the days she used to bargain for much more than simple things, why she walked away, and why she`s here, right now, going back to her old life. She shrugged her shoulders as if to brush off the chill that went down her spine; fear that was all too familiar to her. She walked past the busy farmers, looked for the old gypsy.

Elaine!  Suddenly stopping midway, surprised that anybody would recognize her, she turned to see a little girl about 10 years old, blond long hair looking at her.

Walking towards the little girl she wondered , whether she was walking into a death trap. Its just a little girl, stop being paranoid, she told herself.

Hi, Do I know you ?

Straight to the point at least compliment that pretty dress that she`s wearing, no I don’t have time for this.

Am I supposed to know you ?

Without saying a word the little girl turned and started running. great just great.

 Im not coming after you!  

As she turned to walk back her way, a familiar figure was standing in front of her. 6 foot tall built black guy with a bold head stood in front of her.

You`ve changed a lot! Couple of years ago you would`ve run after that little girl.

Randy!!!!!! Walking towards him, he hugged her lifting her small frame off her feet, Good to see you again Angie…putting her down looking at her…..All grown up, did u have a makeover?...coz u look….unrecognizable frankly….

Grinning wide, that’s exactly the point Rands,

Changing her expression , looking down , I heard what happened , if I had known sooner…

Its alright, we wanted you to stay out of it, to be safe,

We? Who`s we? Everyone knows?

Lets go, meet some people, you have a lot to catch up on, the little girl is Logan`s daughter by the way…

He found her?....

Like I said you have a lot to catch up on…come on….lets go…this way….

She followed him…smiling…..forgetting about the old gypsy..…

To be continued,

unemployment blues

Been unemployed for sometime now....
having nothing to do lead to arranging and rearranging my closet, its never been this tidy, actually my entire room looks like dat of a  neat freak :-)
apart from cleaning, looking for a job and thinking about what to do next has been depressing at times, felt like the walls of my room are caving in on me, reading and watching movies helps to a certain extent but, having absolutely nothing to do-well just sucks.well the brighter side of it is, i can sleep on rainy days:-)
couple of lessons that i`ve learned so far-
(a) ppl who criticize housewives that watch tele dramas , don`t knw wht they are talking abt-sometimes entertainment is the only escape from real life (this doesnt mean that im a housewife-i personally think thats the hardest job in the world)
(b) not following a cookbook and experimenting in the kitchen is a lot more fun that i thought.
(c) Having a hyperactive dog is a blessing
(d) Parents will start to see things your way if you hold your ground
(e) Don`t care about what other ppl think-especially wht relatives think
(f) Everyone`s looking for an escape, change from routine
(g) Do wear your fancy lingerie, fav clothes etc..now itself-Life is unpredictable and extremely short
(h) whining abt getting old is a complete and utter waste of time

well there`s more, i shld type those up later...

on a different note, wht is it with these ppl sending messages via FB, saying quote "u look so cute and nice, i`d love to get to knw u.i`m single, wrking as......, interests......."..etc...etc.....i mean.....really? If u actually want my attention come up with a better pick up line.......like.........well nobody has used a good pick up line worth mentioning :-)

'no' is a complete sentence!

what is it with ppl dat doesn`t take no for an answr??

Do you wanna get married? No, i`ll never be ready for that
Do you wanna have kids? No, i don`t know how to deal with kids
Do you wanna go for PhD? No, i wanna take a break
Do you want  ice cream? No, ill hv my own, stop shoving the ice cream corn in my face!

These are just day to day things that ive faced. However when a stranger approaches you, offering help with groceries or something similar you should be more careful.
according to this book i`m reading (The Gift of fear- Gavin De Becker) , When someone doesn`t take 'no' for an answer, the next question u should ask yourself is 'why are you trying to control me?'. This information is especially important for women because men who ignores the word 'no' often turn  abusive or possesive or both.The book also mentions early warning signs of danger you should consider when you are about to get into a relationship, getting out of a relationship, dealing with strangers, etc.
Its a really good book teaching women to sharpen their intuitive skills and how to avoid danger.Must read for all women..

Glee

Nothing like a glee wedding to cheer up my day...

Mom, if you`re reading this...

Do you really love me mom? Then why am I questioning it?

Will you still love me if I flunked my exams? If I wanted to be a musician?

Why did u drag me out of the bed  dat day mom? I was so  sick ,I couldn`t even move,

Why didn’t you see it mom?  I didn`t write anything that day mom. I slept on my teacher`s lap, 

   wishing it was you

Does that mean u care more about exams than me?

Tell me that`s not true mom, tell me u love me even if I’m lying flat on the ground, tell me I’m still your    daughter or am I wasting my time telling u what I want?

Why do you pretend not to hear me mom when all I want is talk? Is it because it`s something u don’t wanna hear?

Do you wish u had a different daughter? Is that why u treat me this way?

I know now that everything you do is conditional mom, I know that now…

I still love you mom even though u treat me this way, I still love you because whatever u do, 

you`re still my mom…

getting started