December Recaps - 2017

Went through my 2017 goals I wrote last year...apparently I never got any of it right :D then again, it's been a pretty great year.


- Getting properly committed to spiritual growth is probably the best things this year
- Startup partner didn`t work out well, Now I know the sort of people to work with
- Managed to live out my 'secret fantasy' ...I'll leave it at that
- Got a lot of things off my chest
- Moved unexpectedly to an amazing place, finally I'm home
- Lost my beloved dog, Bingo who gave me the biggest lessons in life.He is in heaven now:)
- Rescued a cat, who became so close to me, never knew I could be a 'cat person'
- Got another puppy
- Finally realizing that I need to control what I think about all day
- Hooked on daily dose of Wayne Dyer affirmations
- cut my air extremely short :) loving it

Goals for 2018

- Inner bliss
- See what  happens to the startup idea that keeps poking me when I sit still
- Thoughts, all about thoughts and meditations
- See where life takes me and flow with it :)

One more month to go, will update if more amazing things happen during this time:)

Loneliness

That feeling you get even-though you are surrounded with family........

Time's Up

I was just there..walking or running......and there was a voice

"Okay, time is up"

I remember wanting to go on, feeling disappointed...

Then........... total darkness.....


I remember waking up terrified.
Of all the dreams/nightmares I've had, this really shook me because,
(a) I have been wishing to die for a while but when I actually died (in my dream) I was dissapointed
(b) I remember I was really dissapointed because I didn`t try my business idea or have the life I really wanted

So....this time I started to really make things count...daily...
I'm much more aware now,took two more days off from work (without feeling guilty).

Going to use these two days to work on my 'inner world'...and oh...yes ....can`t wait to checkout 'Tuesdays with Morrie' :)

Things I'm Trying out - Part Three

• Still working on my 'Why' but getting closer to figuring
• Getting better at handling emotions thanks to Tony Robbins
• Gave up reading Gary Zukov Daily
• Workout is going really well, Gwyneth Paltrow once said that her trainer asked her to think  about working out as just like brushing teeth, you just do it. That statement helped me a lot.Been working out daily.
• Hoping to working on starting a business and walk away from 9-5 life this year 

Truth about Depression

Hearing about Chester Bennington's death sparked a different kind of emotions inside me. Honestly I felt like he has been released from the struggle he had in his head. My brother who is a huge Linking Park fan told me that 'its a crazy situation' in total disbelief. I knew that it wasn`t just a crazy situation. I knew that its just so hard sometimes to  live with the voices in your head. I know that sometimes you simply can`t find a reason to go on. I've had those days, this year more often than most years.I have tried everything, even tying Dr.Kelly Brogan's suggested holistic methods. Getting rid of sugar from my diet did amazing changes to my body, but not my mind. I wanted to move, to a new space, but then I realized that even if I move I will be taking the voices in my head with me, so it wouldn't make a difference. Lying down in bed, wishing I would't need to wake up next morning feels like a terrifying thought to me now, yes, today is a 'good' day. I don`t have voices in my head, I don`t have depressing thoughts, today I wanna live. I wanna make plans for the future and start my business ventures. Today i'm an advocate of positivity. Today I realize that I need a plan. I need a plan on days I feel like I want it all to end. Only thing that has worked for me so far is going for a jog, somehow getting up and moving changes the state of mind. Today I'm able to write this because I feel better. I actually feel good and lucky to be alive and truly grateful for all I have. For days when I feel like I can`t, all I can say is.....Hang in there

Moment of bliss

You go to work in the morning and the voice in your head keeps muttering "this is not what you should be doing with your life" over and over again.

Your co-workers are near you, trying to figure out a timeline of a project, they argue and discuss.

You kept working on your document despite the background and inside voices and reached for your headphones,and by accident saw "The Way - by Fastball".

You started playing.

............And then you experience pure bliss in that chaos.

Things I'm Trying out - Part two

I posted on  things I'm trying out in April, Two months later here's the progress.

- Tim Ferris - Still following his advice in reaching the highest potential as a human being

- Working on my ' Why'

- Started Vishen Lakhiani's six phase meditation

- Working on my startup and translation, I let go of guitar practice for now

- Getting better at practicing empathy

- Started to read seat of the soul by Gary Zukov again.Aligning myself to the purpose of the soul and  getting clear of my intention is something I'm practicing

- Daily workout is going well

-Discovered David Goggins, his fascinating talk can be found here

- Practicing being non-judgemental

Marriage and the 'right person'

This captures it perfectly!

http://www.thebookoflife.org/how-we-end-up-marrying-the-wrong-people/

Things I'm Trying Out

Listening to all the 'wise talks' in the world is not going to get me anywhere unless I'm applying them to my life. So thought of noting them down here and see how it goes.

- Listened to a talk by Tim Ferris on Impact Theory which was pretty awesome. The main takeaway I wanna apply to my life from his talk is working towards reaching my highest potential as a human being. That and going to start journaling (as Tim Ferris calls it).

- Still working on my 'WHY' (Simon Sinek)

- Meditation

-Working on my startup, translation and music daily even if its two mins per day

- Trying a new diet which includes meat

- Change of Mindset

- Trying and Trying

- Grey, Lots of Grey instead of black and white

- Practicing empathy

Simon Sinek - The Unshakable Optimist

Having seen this amazing interview, I think its safe to say that I have become a fan and a follower of Simon Sinek. It's not him as a person, its the 'vision of being able to go to work feeling safe and come back home fulfilled with the work you do' is what got me hooked. Well that and his amazing ability to articulate his thoughts and vision perfectly!

Only after downloading almost every single videos of his from youtube, that I discovered that his 2009 TED talk  is one of the most watched TED talks of all time !(apparently I have been living under a rock). Listening to him has made me become a much better human being, I have started practicing being of service, and finally I feel like I'm on the right path.

Anyway he describes himself as an unshakable optimist. Having watched his talks all day and week (and many years to come:D) I decided to become an unshakable optimist myself! yes, there I said it.

From now on I shall practice being an unshakable optimist!

Trusting oneself

When I was in school, I was so in touch with my inner self. some call it 'gut feeling'. I was really doing well in life, I was happy, didn`t get involved with dramatic relationships and was truly happy being alone and loved it. As time went on I started getting lost in touch with myself, let my hormones take control over my life and made decisions purely on extreme emotions. Some of the things I thought I wanted so badly ended up being the things that I want to run away from.

I'm still very much confused, trying to get closer to my 'inner self'.

Hope I can get back to my old self again.

Big Little Lies

After a really long time a tv show managed to hold my attention in a way that made me forget my reality........

Life and Rules

Three months into 2017 and I have done pretty crazy things that I wouldn`t have thought I would do in a million years and it felt so damn good.!

Anyways, I'm saying yes to life more, it just feels right. After all, the rules that I have been trying to define myself with and trying to follow seem so invalid now. Its weird because everything feels right and I just feel alive.

Several lessons learned along the way.
1. Do not picture worse case scenario all the time, just RELAX and be present. EVERY SINGLE ONE of ALL human reactions teach you something. If you look at all those as teaching moments, you will stop reacting and get closer to your inner self.

2. When its really hard to make a decision and you find yourself completely conflicted, hand over the decision to a higher power  (universe) and relax and trust that whats best for you will happen.

3. Give away love, a lot of it, not to just one person, make human interactions about love and kindness

4. The best thing that happened to you this year is Simon Sinek. Keep practicing his principles.

Unwritten

What do you do when the person once you wanted so badly ends up hurting you so much?

What do you do when you decide to work on it because you should?

What do you do when you feel so uncertain of the future?

What do you do when you know the right decision deep inside of you but refuse to look at it because its too hard?

How do you live with yourself when the person that hurts you, gives you 200% and all you can think of is whether he will hurt you again?

How do you carry on?