Classroom to Learn Lessons or a Cosmic Joke?

 

Same old unconscious patterns

Same old drama you are too familiar with

Same old manipulators pulling strings, thinking you can't see their strings

Same old conversations ending in arguments

Same old triggers

Same old choices people make even after asking for your advice

Same old complaints about the rich getting richer and the poor getting poorer

Same old complaints about politicians failing to do their job

Same old comments about appearances when change is the only constant in life

Same old need to go back to simpler times

Same old inability to accept what is

Same old cycles repeating when a pandemic is forcing us to ask deeper questions

Same old cycles of birth and death

Same old thirst for liberation



I wonder how many of us will break the patterns or are these patterns meant to be broken?

Is this the cycle of karma we are supposed to break free from?

2020

I just realized I haven`t blogged this whole year.

Seven months down - what a year it has been.

I have been totally unemployed and living in my own head probably made me forget all about this blog.

Anyway, I have been trying to figure out certain things that are true for me vs what society says.

Society: Travel, go see the world, that`s how you live and relax
Me: I absolutely hate traveling, the thought of packing makes me sick, I`m perfectly happy and relaxed with good food, good books, and my cat

Society: Have kids, they will change your life
Me: Again, I`m really content with my life

Society: Have lots of friends
Me: I`m happy to be by myself

Society: Big title, big career, that`s life
Me: I could never imagine myself inside a cubicle day in and day out, I`m happy with how I spend my time


I`m going to keep adding to this list so that I don`t get caught up in comparison fatigue :D

Thoughts

Post on LinkedIn; Then and now picture- a little girl sitting on a farm and grown-up version wearing a suit at UN

Conclusion- we should all aim for office jobs wearing suits because that is the glamorous lifestyle 

But is it really glamorous?

Then why do we spend weekdays wearing formal office clothes and weekends running to the woods looking for so-called simple pleasures? Isn`t it ironic that we slave away daily and spend that money looking for simple pleasures?

How come no one gets the irony of this?

contentment?

The thing about getting older is you stop spending time on things that no longer serve you. Even friendships!!! I realized that most (almost all) of those friendships were no longer in the path so to speak. I no longer wanna sit and hear gossip or other nonsense.

There was a time that I thought I should have a lot of friendships, but I'm fully content going to places alone.

I feel fully content all of a sudden. 

Hey What's New?

Why do people keep asking that question?

'What's new with you?'

I can understand if it's a way of trying to make conversation but then again, I find it slightly annoying. Then I worked through my annoyed feelings and got to the root cause (more on that spiritual work on another post), and I started replying 'everyday is new' .


So...what's new with you?     What are you up to these days?      Have you tried pineapple fries? :D

I did try pineapple fries from kottulabs. It was SOOO good!

Feel good series

Got sick after a while..well I'm pretty sure it's because I had way too much sugar and junk food.

Anyway watching the Good Witch certainly lifted my spirits.

Hallmark Channel is such a blessing to humanity...don`t you think?

Retiring from 9-5

After (being forced to) retire from 9-5, I now spend my days blissfully at home hanging out with my cat. Having mental breakdowns by having thoughts like ' how am I gonna survive' and 'what am I gonna do with my life?' and 'you have two postgraduate degrees and ended up staying at home' have subsided......

I finally surrendered into what I really dreamt of doing with my time here on earth. Few months ago, I was stuck in useless meetings listening to useless talks for hours (we all have been to those meetings that should have been an email). I always wanted to spend my time to dive deep into spiritual teachings, learn more about life, meaning, and understand concepts like enlightenment.

Its amazing the amount of time you get (which I wan`t prepared for or anticipate) when you don`t spend 60 hours trapped in a building. I am no longer impatient with sudden visitors,I now take ample time to answer my little nephew who always has a million questions and best of all, I have slowed down and literally learnt to breathe and enjoy each moment.

If this is what 'retirement' is after 60, well I am more than happy to be 'retired' in my 30's.

I am now slowly getting my head back in the game, working on my start-up and focusing on writing.

Rain

After what seemed like the hottest months I have ever experienced, finally the rain is here! Well for the past couple of days it rained at night, but today, it rained in the morning! There's something about the rain and the cold wind it brings that brings calmness and a feeling of 'life is good'. I have always loved gloomy weather, I even watch TV series that are shot in rain forests with gloomy weather and creepy islands :D

Thank you universe for this wonderful day that started off with just the right amount of rain.

Hope everyone else is enjoying the rain as much as I am!

Retired !

Jan turned out to be a bit more dramatic than I thought. Ended up quitting my job before I found another one, something I thought I'd never do. But here's the thing, I always wanted to retire in my mid 30s. When you really want something the entire universe helps you to get it. I didn`t win the lottery, but adopted a minimalist lifestyle. See for a while I have been a bit overwhelmed by the going to work- being in cubicle prison - buying clothes to go to work - spending time on the road - not having time to read or learn - spending weekends doing household work - hating sunday because of Monday blues vicious cycle for a while. Long story short, I'm at home now. Took a while to really tell myself that 'I'm not a failure to stay at home with two masters degrees', that 'I'm gonna be ok', 'its ok to take a breather and cut back on expenses', 'to relax'.

Gradually I realized what I really needed.........Freedom

And now I'm in heaven.


P.S.hopefully the next post won`t be 'what the hell was I thinking quitting my job? :D "

December Recap - 2018

The year of Transformation! that's exactly what this year has been. Although come to think of it, I have been in the process of transformation all this time but a significant shift occurred this year. All the self - help you tube videos, self help/spiritual books, exercising consistently and eating well did lead up to a major shift in my life. My post in August was so depressing I didn`t think two months later I would have this shift.

Guess things always fall into place if you keep working on yourself and look inward for answers.

Highlights of the year.

- Turned 33 and promised myself that this year I will take my life to the next level (which I did !) 

- Had the shortest haircut ever

- Gave up sugar for good

- Started eating healthy

- Gave up junk food (90/10)

- Started meditating

- Started Yoga

- Found amazing people that changed my life - Tom Bilyeu, Alexi Panos, Jay Shetty, Michael Gervais, Preston Smiles, Rich Roll, James Clear .......oh so so many more! 

- Got into a solid morning routine where I feed my mind with good stuff and feed my body with good exercise.

- Started morning journalling ( suggested by Tim Ferris)

- 'thoughts become things' I became extra careful of every single word, thought that I put out into the world

- Stopped complaining 

- Got my aura checked and invested in bracelets to balance my chakras

- Focused on everything I have and how blessed I am

- Realized that I am already living the life of my dreams

- Start-up got started for real (yay!)

- Got into another venture with my sis-in-law

- Learned to have compassion towards my self first and learned to love myself fully

- The shift in the mind is truly amazing, i'm more in tune with myself and listen to myself

2019 Goal/s - The Year of Catching Up !

Have fun being awesome doing awesome things in the world! and be divine love...keep getting closer to the source that brought me here :)

Have an awesome New Year !

Pick up Limes and Other things

I might become a vegan! Wow, never thought that I would be saying those words out loud. My relationship with food has varied over time. Once I thought that my purpose in life is searching for good food (can`t find that post right now). At that time I did gain a lot if weight, dealt with quite a lot of personal 'traumas' and found comfort in food.Now I realize that in finding comfort in 'junk' food, I made my problems get worse by messing up my gut health and in turn tuning out my inner voice and making more mistakes that made things worse.

So what changed my relationship with food? A comment by a colleague(that I no longer talk to) about my sense of style. I was so angry back then and thought how could 'she' out of all people tell me how to dress, then I realized that I had stopped caring how I looked and kept getting bigger and bigger clothes. Then I happened to see 'Stick with you' by Pussycat Dolls and saw Nichol's eyebrows and I realized I had even ignored that (I looked like a bear)! I got so used to being obsessed with my personal problems which kept getting worse, I didn`t even look at myself.As I type this today I only feel so much love and compassion for that girl, that girl who struggled so hard, that girl who didn`t know any better.

3 years later today I'm talking about becoming a vegan and about to form proper six pack abs (yes, been working out and eating so well, and gotten so hotter :D).In order to lose the weight, I gave up sugar (something I never thought I could do.) and I started exercising. Weight loss was so slow and hit a plateau, but I started looking and feeling better the second I gave up sugar. I had less and less nervous breakdowns, had more clarity in my thoughts and was making better decisions.

I started trying several diet plans...

• Low carb diet - helped me realize how much I was committed to become more healthier, because low carb meant no dairy - living without milk tea was something I thought I can NEVER do. Two weeks into this diet, my face looked different and my pants fell off(literally!). I couldn`t keep doing it because I liked fruits and milk.

Which brought me to....

• Keto Diet - high fat, high protein low carb. The combination of food was fantastic. I had to eat a lot of meat - which I did. somehow it didn`t feel right.

What I'm doing now.......

• Eating mostly healthy - gave up dairy when I realized my gut didn`t like dairy at all
• Eating lots of vegetables - mental clarity that you get from this is amazing
• Not punishing myself if I enjoy sugar or any 'unhealthy' food. But to be honest I eat those during extreme social events, otherwise I choose to put the best possible food inside my body.
• HIIT workouts - changed my life (checkout Bowflex on YouTube)
• Most importantly listening to my body and feeding what my body wants.

Coming back to pick up limes, the host Sadia does an amazing job. She is one of those people you can listen to if you are having an 'off' day and you will feel that life is good.Watching her videos inspired me to try and become a vegan. Again I'm not giving myself unnecessary pressure. Mostly vegan during weekdays...baby steps......I feel so much better and my skin looks amazing!

check out her channel - Pick Up Limes
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCq2E1mIwUKMWzCA4liA_XGQ

Discovery of Alexi Panos

Alexi Panos was on women of impact - hosted by another amazing woman, Lisa Bilyeu. She had such energy and Lisa mentioned how amazing her you tube videos were,i had to check those out.
I have been watching her and Preston Smiles on a daily basis now. Starting the day with their videos really set the tone for me. Anyway this post is not about the massive impact she is making on my life. It's about the amazing sequence of events that work in this universe.

In one of her interviews Alexi mentioned that since her parents got divorced she had to travel back and forth 8 hour car rides with her mom. Her mom used to play tapes of Tony Robbins, Wayne Dyer and Mariane Williamson while driving and all their teachings got conditioned into her mind. Later on she had to rediscover them-that's a different story. But just think, her mother chose to play those tapes instead of just listening to radio and see the impact it had on her daughter. See the resulting impact it is making on my life here on this island!

Your choices have consequences that you Will never think about.
Choose wisely. I mean seriously, choose wisely....

P.s. checkout vids of Alexi Panos and Preston Smiles and see what I' m talking about!

Alex Inc. and other Arts

My last post sounds really depressing, well I did feel quite depressed at the time, it comes and goes. In yet another one of those low point mental states, I bumped into this wonderful show - Alex Inc. It's about a guy who quits the big corporate job and starts his own business. Sounds a lot like me (except the wife and kids), anyway I could relate to every single episode, it was just wonderful to see the journey and struggles through someone's eyes.Too bad it won`t be renewed for another season. But the way it lifted up my spirits was simply amazing, if TV shows can do that, I think that's the real service- enriching peoples lives with entertainment.

I'm hanging in there, still trying to figure out the startup life. Not sure how it would turn up but will certainly write about it here.

I still have bills to pay for, so even-though I'm not at my big cooperate job, my current small workplace pays my bills. I still don`t like how I spend my time there (meaning what I do), so this painting just always makes me forget that 'I'm-at-a-job-that-hate-to-pay-my-bills' feeling.

(image from Google, not sure who the artist is)

Resignation

What do you do when you want to give your resignation letter to life?

A cat story

I have never really been a cat person. I had my first dog when I was 13.  I think  he was with me for almost 14 years. Anyway I had another dog for 9 years, he died last year. That was one of the most painful experiences in my life. The cat just showed up in front of our house one day, it's just one of those rare moments where someone else other than your neurotic mind makes a decision. Several times I thought I should just handover the cat to someone else.today when he got out and my other dog ran after him, I grabbed him despite his biting and scratching because I simply didn't want my dog to kill him. After all the drama was over I was in the shower washing off my blood from all the scratches. Then I realised the truth. I would do anything to keep my cat safe, he had formed this bond with me without me realising it. There have been few depressing moments in my life over the past few months, my cat would just get on top of me and lie on my lap whenever I get into a depressed mood.
Another thing I realised is that just like I would do anything to keep my cat safe  would anyone else do the same for me ? My parents would for sure. But who else would ? 

Its late and I'm in pain,tomorrow I would most probably wonder why I even typed this rant. I think what really bothered me was thinking that I don't have humans who would protect me. Have I not cultivated genuine friendships ?  Somehow I feel like I shouldn't worry . I believe that a power greater than me will be watching over me. 

Work

Long holiday, deep sense of satisfaction....you feel grateful to be alive...


And then you go to work....listen to complaints...know that you are in the wrong place....
you can`t imagine going to work the next day
You remind yourself that it is the place that pays you to pay bills
you remind yourself of the stoic practice

And you try to survive

No this is not going to be how I spend the rest of the year...




Today I made a clear decision

Note to self #1

Not sure when I got into the whole 'do your own thing' idea, but around 3 years ago me and few friends got into the whole thing. I was actually really excited about 'starting' something. While they all lost the interest I kept thinking and planning it ...giving up and again thinking and planning.

Three years later thinking about what I would regret if I die tomorrow, the one thing that came to my mind is not starting 'my own thing' and spending my days inside a concrete building(my day job).

Initially I was motivated to 'start my own thing' to prove all the 'naysayers' wrong, then I realized that I was motivated by the faith and belief of handful of people around me about my own abilities.Today while thinking about my motivations I realized that I really needed to try this to save my soul.....

So...I'm gonna start leaving notes to myself about anything I learn or want to remember during this journey.........

note to self.....

its good to visualize where you want to go, but don`t get too caught up in the daydreaming process, just focus on few 'small wins' daily.....most importantly enjoy the steps......

For the Love of X-Files

I grew up with X-Files (yes I'm a 90s kid). Mulder was the first love of my life and still was to a certain extent (until I saw the new series that is...will explain). My friends even called me Mulder, I was a total Xphiles fan. Anyway back then one of the main reasons I watched the show was to see the 'tender loving moments' between Mulder and Scully. Two decades later when the X files creators rebooted the series I just couldn`t be happier! I never thought I would ever see a new X files episode again! Plus so much has changed in my life since I last saw it.

After waiting for so long I watched it, Mulder's character which used to be a legendary smartass sensitive/toughguy character has turned into a sad lost boy who has aged. I expected the character to evolve properly, he certainly did have that mental toughness back in the day.And for Scully, she has turned into the smartass one now. And their relationship seems so weird.Last night's episode made me think how sad my life has become honestly.Let me explain....Scully says at the end of the episode that 'she wants to remember how it was all were back then'..so much nostalgia about good old days. I felt like X files creators and fans wanted to go back in time when everything was 'amazing'. Then I realized how many times I re-watched X files episodes over the past two decades remembering the good old times. It reminded me of my carefree school life. And when I heard Scully's words it just hit me...I need to stop living in the past like this and make my 'now' productive and be more present and really live it as it is. Life is happening to you right NOW. Not in the future or past...right NOW.

So I'm gonna take a break from watching old X-Files episodes and feed my mind with books or watch Impact Theory by Tom Bilyeu (amazing brain food btw).

Note to self. Live now..Today...This moment....that's all you ever gonna have.

December Recaps - 2017

Went through my 2017 goals I wrote last year...apparently I never got any of it right :D then again, it's been a pretty great year.


- Getting properly committed to spiritual growth is probably the best things this year
- Startup partner didn`t work out well, Now I know the sort of people to work with
- Managed to live out my 'secret fantasy' ...I'll leave it at that
- Got a lot of things off my chest
- Moved unexpectedly to an amazing place, finally I'm home
- Lost my beloved dog, Bingo who gave me the biggest lessons in life.He is in heaven now:)
- Rescued a cat, who became so close to me, never knew I could be a 'cat person'
- Got another puppy
- Finally realizing that I need to control what I think about all day
- Hooked on daily dose of Wayne Dyer affirmations
- cut my air extremely short :) loving it

Goals for 2018

- Inner bliss
- See what  happens to the startup idea that keeps poking me when I sit still
- Thoughts, all about thoughts and meditations
- See where life takes me and flow with it :)

One more month to go, will update if more amazing things happen during this time:)

Loneliness

That feeling you get even-though you are surrounded with family........